THE Queen has visited the Senedd in Cardiff to congratulate the Welsh Government on running for 12 whole years.
Her Majesty came all the way from the bright lights of London to see the Welsh Assembly open its fourth term, rendering the £69.7 million Senedd building completely useful.
Hundreds of excited people rushed to the Pound Shop to buy cheap, tacky British flags, before patiently ‘braving the wind and showers’ to frantically wave said flags in the Monarch’s face as she arrived.
The Queen, accompanied on her visit by loose cannon husband Prince Phillip, heir to the throne Prince Charles and his second wife Camilla Parker Bowles, said the Assembly had ‘coped admirably’ with its little government for all this time.
But Her Highness warned that despite the country being given permission to go it alone, the Assembly Members had better jolly well behave themselves.
The Queen added with a stern tone and wagging finger: “You are now entrusted with the authority to make laws in all matters contained within the 20 subjects devolved to the assembly and, for the first time, you will be passing assembly acts.
“The performance of the assembly in discharging these new responsibilities will be closely scrutinised here in Wales and elsewhere.”
What with Wales having its drip fed allowance of power increased by Westminster, First Minister Carwyn Jones said a lot of responsibility fell on the shoulders of him and his peers not to fuck up an ‘important new beginning.’
Under the beady all-seeing eye of The Queen, Mr Jones admitted his minority Labour government would now have to be seen to look like it was doing something with its newly required responsibilities: “The big challenge for us is to make sure people know what we’re doing and can measure what we’re doing – perhaps we haven’t been as good at doing that in the past.
“There are challenges ahead, and difficult decisions between competing choices will have to be made, but this is fundamentally a time of optimism for Wales. We have the powers to make a difference,” added the First Minister convincingly.
However, a number of Assembly Members were accused of ‘showing Wales in a very, very bad light’ for not being present amid the sound of party poppers and taste of Bucks Fizz.
Plaid Cymru leader Ieuan Wyn Jones had even been ‘disrespectful’ enough not to cancel his family’s holiday after The Queen announced she was calling in on an impromptu visit.
But the Royal party brushed off the snub at the Wales Millennium Centre, where staff served a boringly predictable Welsh lamb lunch.